Someday...

Someday I'm going to look back on this blog and think...man...it really took me a long time to get into the swing of things with something that I "apparently" want to do so badly! So let me start from the beginning...

When I started this blog it was a way of motivation for me to do something that I had always thought would be amazing. Something that I really wanted to do and was now finally going to get on the ball and do it. Well not long after that decision, Josh and I really hit it hard and we did pretty well. Then our own personal tragedy happened when I had a miscarriage in May '09. It wasn't something we talked about with many people outside of our family. Although it was hard for me physically to get back into the swing of things, it was the mental toll that I was not prepared for. That took much more time to recover from than I ever thought.

It finally happened though, were I was back at a place mentally that I thought I could do it. Josh and I did well, even did a "mock tri" that neither one of us did TOO horribly on. We both participated in a "fun run" and also did pretty well on that. After that, the rain of Washington set in and I lost the bulk of my motivation once again. I don't mind be cold, but wet...no thanks. Unless I'm showering or swimming, I see no reason for me to be soaked.

Josh has been amazing, keeping up with his training. He's doing great and I have NO doubt he could finish a tri if he entered one tomorrow. Me on the other hand...not so much. Believe me, I have all the desire in the world...what I don't have is motivation. Two things generally stand between me and the training I must do to be the triathlete I've always dreamed of being. I will explain these to you...

1.) Sleep. I LOVE sleep. I love getting good sleep(which for me is rare). The thought of getting up before the sun and sacrificing those precious hours of being snuggled up in my warm, soft bed is almost enough to make me panic. Also, I'm a grouch when I don't get decent sleep. I know, I know. You are thinking "Duh Paula, most people aren't super happy when they don't get decent sleep." Well you OBVIOUSLY haven't met my sister, the woman runs off maybe four hours a night! And you OBVIOUSLY haven't met me. I'm not just a grouch...I'm the kind of grouch that strangers cross the street to get away from and makes children run passed my house. I'm more than just irratible, I'm mean. So as you can see, sleep is pretty important and it's hard for me to let go of. Not the best reason in the world, trust me I know...but it's still a hurdle for me.

2.) And this is probably the BIGGEST one, my children. You see, since it's so hard for me to justify losing sleep and getting up early to train...it's even harder for me to leave my kids after I've already been gone all day at work. I want to be with them and spend time with them. I don't want to get home only to leave again, or get home even later than I normally would and miss out on that special time with my boys. My time with them on weekdays is limited, so to me it's precious. Time with them is non negotiable.

So now you see my dilema. I want to be a triathlete, but I love my sleep and I love my kids. I have to find a balance. I have to be diligent. You don't just wake up one morning being able to compete in a triathlon, you have work for it, earn it. I'm going to have to sacrifice to make this happen. Since I won't sacrifice time with my children, I'm going to have to sacrifice down time, a little sleep and find a way to incorporate my children with my training. I'm giving myself a deadline of this Friday to create a plan of action. I'm going to catch up with Josh and I'm going to be a great triathlete!! (at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself! :-))

There, I've laid it all out there. So wish me luck!